Wow! I can't believe it's been a month since I've posted. I've had a lot going on; general busyness, getting started again, and emotional thoughts on my journey. I'm leaving for the weekend, but plan to update when I return. Lots of thoughts, but kinda floundering in getting a fierce groove.
Don't give up on me...I'll be back soon.

I RAN!

well, mostly. Today I ran with my sis-in-law, who may never run w/ me again - I act too much like my brother - her hubs. We went 2 miles and alternated running and walking. IT FELT GREAT! I actually was much better than I thought I would be; especially considering I have not run since before I was pregnant with Selah. I'm so happy happy happy!

How do I act like my little brother? I push myself hard, therefore whoever is with me has to work harder, and she said the most annoying thing...after a good run we both say "Man, I feel great - that was awesome!" or something of the sort. Yea, my job is done. ha ha ha

I think getting back to extreme cardio is going to help me with some grief. It is still lingering, and that is ok. I know in time it will get better - not healed or be gone - but better. This week has been especially rough as I look to next month - when I found out I was pregnant last year, and looking back to Selah's birth. Wow, the onslaught of tears surprised me!

We are at my parents in Houston enjoying a long weekend. You enjoy yours!

today I decided to do my cardio with Graham tagging along in the bike trailer. Two things:
1. He talks to me, so I don't get as much thinking time. That is ok.
2. It is much harder to pull him; therefore, cutting short my ride. But at least I was out there.

My physical therapist said I could do some light upper body, so I think I will go do some stuff here at the house.
Ciao!

Legs

Ssssooooo yesterday morning I texted Julie to see if she wanted to workout. I knew doing this would be the only way to get my hiney in the gym. Her thoughts were very similar. 3:30 on a friday afternoon, we are working it out. YEA! Sadly, my legs are quite sore today. This will be fun, trying to manuveur around at E's soccer practice.

Stomach Bug

After a week and 1/2 of each of us getting the stomach bug, I finally feel well enough to work out and to eat right. I'm so thankful we are well, but also thankful to not be the nursemaid - that is tiring work! The good news I lost about 9lbs, not that I reccommend that diet - it stinks.

While I was sick, it gave me a lot of time to think about some emotional garbage I have been letting weigh heavy on me. Some of that is now out of the way and can now progress even further physically. Since I have been taking it easy this week, I have really gotten back to eating clean, ah-hem, cleanER. That makes me even more excited about the physical aspect.

Have a fantastic Friday.

Physical Therapy for me

Today I had my consultation for my shoulder and elbow. Shoulder basically has tight muscles and needs to be stretched ALOT! Elbow - a stretched or inflammed tendon (sad i can't remember what he said) which is causing the throbbing, pain, and even irritating the nerve running down my ulna to my 3rd and 4th digits. Therapy will be some exercises, ultrasound, and continuing my anti-inflammatory meds. 2x a week for 4 weeks. Hopefully this will do the trick.

Until further notice, I am off upper body weights. That doesn't mean I can't bust out some major leg and butt exercises, along with some serious cardio. This is my plan.

That's my physical mess. My emotional mess is sssooo much more involved. In short, I am missing my dear daughter Selah, Ethan is struggling with frustration, I'm exhausted from getting the new school routine down, and I really am desiring God's best for my life and my family's thus I am having to go through some very tough growing pains. BAH!

And with that, the house is completely quiet. I am going to enjoy it on the couch with magazine or two.

Rest Day

So I didn't completely rest. I went on a 2.4 mile walk w/ G in the jogger and E on his bike. My HR was not elevated as long or at least spiking as much as I would've liked, but hey, I was out there.

Tomorrow is shoulder/tri day. I am skipping the shoulders and going to attempt the tri's here at home. Tuesday I am finally going ot be evaluated for PT for my shoulder/elbow problems I've had since last summer. It went away some when I was pregnant, but is now back and worse. My shoulder/elbow has been throbbing for about 2 days now. Prolly best not to work it right now. bummer!

I'll get in more cardio tomorrow, to at least keep the juices flowin' and the fat burning. Feels good to be back...now I just need a little more tweaking on the nutrition part.

Skipped the Gym

Today I skipped the gym. I am exhausted and Ethan was up alot last night. PLUS this week alone I have started:
1. getting up at 5:15am
2. Ethan beginning elementary school
3. working out - fire is back!

Isn't that enough big stuff to start in one week? All that to say, the gym just had to go today. However, I did go walking. Not even, Graham pooping his undies when dropping off Ethan stopped me. We came home, changed, and out we went. Satan will not destroy me. He was trying to feed me lots of reasons to even do away with the walk. Nope, not today dude!

Lastly, I love me my JRo. Truly a wonderful gift sent from God. Thanks for coming over to play this morning.

Cardio

After Ethan was dropped off at school, I had G in the jogger and we went for a walk. That part of the neighborhood is nice and hilly, plus I was already at a nice glisten from the walk to school. I lvoe being able to walk him to school, but the heat makes it almost unbearable. We have been walking home in the afternoons and I'm sweating almost as much a cardio workout. I figure all this sweat is good for me. Gotta be burning something off! Plus, E and Becca really love the walk - as well as the little brothers, even if they are in strollers.

So this week has been off to a good start. And I finally got a good thing going with my meals. I plan 2 weeks of meals at a time, each week repeats itself. By the second week, most of the dinners are already cooked and waiting in the freezer. SWEET!

Well I have not completely fallen off the face of the earth. The past several weeks I have been doing some cardio, but have mentally been trying to get through alot. One of which was breaking down and weighing myself. I did it, it was terrible. Now I will work it off.

I will spare you the details, mainly b/c I just don't have the energy to rehash it all again.
My firstborn started kindergarten yesterday and I started my fire.
Sunday we went for a bike ride at a nature preserve, quite hilly, and I pulled 2nd son in the trailer almost the whole way.
Monday - shoulders and tri's
Today - legs OUCH!
Tomorrow - cardio

Ok, I will give you a small glimpse of some of the emotional/mental stuff. On one of my rides last week I was thinking about my physical condition, where my determination had gone, how I looked this time last year and just how so very much has happened in the last 6 months. That took me to where my health is physically/mentally, etc. I realized not only do I have 2 sweet boys watching and learning from me; I have Selah cheering me on in Heaven. Boy did that spark my fire.

So I'm back! Now that E has started Kindergarten - the last hump I had been trying to get over - it is time for the contiuation of ME!

Not quite ready to post weight, or even if I do, but will get some pictures to start over with again. At least I still look better than I did originally.

Well my long weekend of fun is over and it's back to the real world. I have decided today will be smoothie detox day and then hit the nutrition hard tomorrow. I've had a week full of reflection, loss, and mourning what once was. Now to look at the now and what will be. God is good, and I need to rest in His daily goodness for me.

The weekend scrap retreat was so good for me on many levels. I was with my gals, I laughed, I cried, I ate, and even shared my testimony. Can't get much better than that.

I think I am ready to begin again. Satan has constantly been reminding me how much hard work it was the first time and it may not be worth it again. You know what...it is worth it again. Being who I am created to be, loving myself as I'm meant to be, sharing myself and what Christ has done for me....WORTH IT!

I am determined enough, physically strong enough, and can only continue to be mentally stronger. So what is stopping me...nothing!

Just when I thought...

I was ready to full throttle ahead on my regime. I was hit with a realization...there is so much to mourn over than just losing precious Selah. I am mourning the loss of my healthy body I had last summer/early fall. That has been a tough realization this week. I'm giving myself the week off to ponder, pray, and meditate this. It has hit me hard, not quite as hard as Selah, but really close up there.

That's pretty much all I want to say about it at this point. Just wanted you to know I am hanging in, still getting on a healthier eating plan, and LOVING my blender and daily green smoothies. Oh how I've missed having them everyday. Sadly, I get so excited about the blender I try and use it 3x's a day!

My blender arrived today!

OMG, I danced around, the angels sang, and my family laughed at me. Who cares! It's HERE!!!!

I did it I did it

I finally got out and rode my bike this evening. Of course, the sun hid itself aaaallll day UNTIL I go out to ride. Where was it when we were swimming? Whatever!

I'm pleased that I have not lost much stamina, but do lack a little in my endurance. Went 6 miles in 31 minutes. Before I was pregnant I was doing about 5 min miles - happy about that. I could have probably gone farther, but wanted to get a feel of where I am. IT FELT SOOOO GOOD!

Other breaking news....
I finally, after a year of wanting, bought me a blendtec blender. Of course I bought a demo off ebay for much less, but it's still a chunk of dough that was hard to part with. However, I know I will be in love and won't have to borrow JRo's anymore! Thanks for sharing friend!

Sorrow

I have not worked out much in the past few days, BUT have made significant strides in my grief of Selah. I'm probably not even to the middle of the road - who knows God's journey; however, have really been moved forward by the Lord.

Week before last, when I had some extended time to myself, I got to pray, journal, read, journal. It was not until this past week did I reread my journal entry to my counselor. WOW! I finally was able to sob all they way through it. In the middle of it, was my letter to Selah, my precious daughter. How healing of her loss that was, and knowing that God has stepped every step of my journey before I have even gotten there. It has been some very emotional, raw, sleepless days - but I can now move forward.

In moving forward, I will be able to better address the lies that Satan is hounding me with and speak truth to him. I am worth all this and soooo much more. God vision for me is way more beautiful, passionate, and desiring than Satan's false beauty.

Now that I have progressed, somewhat, emotionally I can progress physically. Amazing that only now do I realize dealing with the mental/emotional took precedence over the physical. It is almost debilitating until you can make progress...

I love the Matthew West song Ruthie has posted on her blog, so I won't copy. Ginny Owens sang at our church this morning. Oh how many times I've heard this song. But this morning it resounating much more closely and clearly. I would not choose to walk this journey, but if that is what God's journey is for me...I will do it.

Took all day

to do my workout, but it's done.
Julie and I were supposed to meet up this morning - I bailed. Sooo exhausted from yesterday.
Supposed to meet again at 3:30 - I bailed. I slept until 3pm and Graham...well it's 5:15 and he's still sleeping. He did have a shot today and is still trying to readjust to a normal sleep schedule.

So I finally got my lard butt up at 4:30 and did it. I have a feeling I will be dripping sweat until after I cook dinner and clean the kitchen. But worth it since I waited all day to do it.

Swimming again....

Julie and I hit the pool today. WOW! It has been a long time and I felt it. The first few laps were rough, then I found a good groove. Funny, I actually miss swimming. It made me feel so strong.

Julie was telling me how she has noticed in the last month my fire coming back. I told her to "WATCH OUT!"

I really feel in a good place with grief recovery over Selah. Oh I'm far from the end of the road, but feel I have made a huge turn. Last week in my reading I was hit with this:

John 10:1-4
"I tell you the truth, the man who does not enter the sheep pen by the gate, but climbs in by some other way, is a thief and a robber. 2The man who enters by the gate is the shepherd of his sheep. 3The watchman opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. 4When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice.

He has gone ahead of me and always will. I looked back and could vividly see him walking into the doctor's office before me. Walking the hall of labor/delivery before me. Touching our wonderful nurse on the way. So on and so on. And with that I have confindence on whatever obstacles I may face on this life's journey. Satan will not win, He can not have my health or anything!

Well that fans the flame on the fire!!!

I'm done with the circuit for today. All before 8:30! Yippee.

My plan was to do cardio at the high school last night. Since I had dinner at Pappasito's, that fell flat. Just like the Lord's mercies are new every morning; so are the chances of starting cardio - again!!!

I'm diggin' the new routine. It's hard, but takes much less time.

Done...

Well I'm done with the new workout for today. I started a day late, but let's face it. It is VERY hot and humid here in Houston. I was going to do it after dark last night, but it was still just too much. At least now I am done for the day....

Walking Lunges w/ Curls 2 sets
Squats w/ Overhead press 2 sets
Stiff legged deadlift w/ Rows 2 sets
Plank 5
Bridge 2 sets
Dips 2 sets

Of course I did it wrong, I think I always do that the first time with a new routine. It supposed to be circuits and I just did it normal. Next time!

Amazing how these are exercises I have been doing for a while, just not all together. How different it feels and more work it takes when compounding the exercises. I'm going to like this.

Have a great day! I know I'm going to: pedi's and at the club pool all day!

New Workout

Julie and I are beginning our new summer shape-up on Monday. I'm pretty excited about it. It think it will help us to get more motivated to be doing something new. I will be visiting my parents for the week; so our plan for accountability is: I will blog my w/o each day and she will comment!
Here's to new beginnings.

Thoughts

WOW! Alot has been going on the past week, from planning G's 3rd birthday party to helping Paul get the duplex ready for new renters...hope we find some soon. Anyway, I've been thinking about stuff, one being the routine Julie and I have been doing for a couple months. It's supposed to be a 3 month plan, but has taken us quite a bit longer.

Now being in the homestretch, it is getting increasingly hard to make certain days, it's summer, putting us further behind. I felt we were trying to finish it for the sake of not quitting. We've discussed it, and we are going to put that plan aside and begin our summer routine we found. It will allow us more freedom, if we can't make it to the gym, we can still do it at home or wherever we are. THAT is what we need right now. This actually pumps me up and am very excited about starting it. I think I needed that, I was getting weighed down by our other one.

One last final thought. I final put real words to my eating. I really am not doing it out of emotions, it is more control. So much has happened the last several months that are completely out of my control...eating is not. I can control every single good thing and bad thing that goes in my mouth. In that control I have given myself freedom to be overdulgent, self indulgent, and will completely justify it. WOW! Ssssooooo guess what I am going to be working on?

Legs and Cardio

I feel I am finally getting back into the groove...

3 sets of 10 reps, last set drop weight
leg press 140, 140, 120
leg extension 75, 75, 65 killer
deadlifts 55, 55, 45
lying leg curl 50, 50, 40
rotary calf machine 90, 90, 90

20minutes on treadmill, random hills at 3.5. yes, that is slow - but my body is just now responding to cardio. amazing how Selah's birth and all that trauma affected my body.

i'm feeling stronger physically. mentally...working on it.

Friday Rocks

Today was "push"
benchpress
incline flye
shoulder press
reverse flye
rope pressdown
kickback
hanging knee raises

I up'ed all my weight by at least 2.5 - 10lbs. It was a great workout. Go Laura and Julie!!!
No cardio today, but that is ok...I've had a full week. I've worked out 4 days. Yea Me.

Food better:
Breakfast - coffee, smoothie
Snack - coffee
Lunch - tuna sandwich, grapes
Snack -
Dinner -

Legs

Today was leg day...
split squat 10/10/8 40lbs
leg press 10/10/8 120lbs
seated calf raise 10/10/8 55lbs
standing calf raise 10/10/8 90lbs
leg curl 10/10/8 45lbs
ball curl 10/10/8

cardio - treadmill

whew! i felt great afterward, plus followed that up with counseling - even though that is harder than the workout, i felt good. and i swam in the pool w/ 4 kids for 3 hours. i'm a little toasty, but i'll sleep like a baby tonight!

eating...well less than par, but that is due to my lack of planning this week and the budget getting low until Sunday!

Water

This is for you Suzu...
I didn't think about posting how much water I drink. Only because I drink a ton of it. I gulp down a huge glass as soon as I get up, and never stop.
Hope that makes you feel better!

More later on my day today.

Cardio ***Updated***

I DID IT!!!!

Julie and I lifted weights this morning, then I forced myself over to the treadmills for a 20min brisk walk. Gotta start somewhere right? But at least I did it.

I forgot to wear my bracelet this morning, but will put it back on after I clean. I'd take a picture of it...if I had a camera. I know I use my camera alot, but definitely realize it now that someone decided to take it from me. ERG!

I'm gonna try journaling to you all what I eat and see if it helps:
Breakfast: eggs on ww toast w/ sprinkle of cheese, coffee, water
Lunch: peanut butter and honey, few chips, water, coffee
Snack: smoothie
Dinner: spaghetti bake
Snack: 2 girl scout cookies and a drink, yea so shoot me!

***Sigh***

Ruthie posted a comment for me..."wondering how you are."

I've been thinking for a week about what to post, about the 28 day challenge, etc. Well in the past 2 weeks here are things that have been going on:
1. counselor really wants me to start/continue grieving the loss of Selah. A week ago, told me journal my feelings about Selah, pregnancy, losing her, etc. Before I saw the counselor, I had at least made a list of 6 things that I knew were waiting for me to begin a process of working through. But actually doing it was going to require ALOT of emotional energy. But it is time I do it.
2. the very next night I had a complete breakdown over buying a swimsuit...see #1. I guess I'm starting the process, but did not expect it this way
3. got in a very minor accident, not hurt; but the lady took off when I was trying to get her information. However, I got her tags and called the cops.
4. the very next day after the hit and run...our house was robbed. Yes, as in burglary!

My emotions have shrunk back in faster than a turtle. Hubs and I have talked ALOT in the past few days, about all the above items. Needless to say, I'm working on finding a fitness journey that can encompass all that is going on. It is quite hard.

Do you remember the bracelet I wore last summer during all my weighloss? If I can dig thru my archives I'll find the picture. Anyway, today I bought a new one. I think that is my start right there...

More very very soon, I promise.

Challenge

Ok, it's on. I am going to take Ruthie up on it too.
I need a challenge to kick me in the pants.

However, I will not be starting until next week when I return from Pennsylvania.

Blogging has been a bit rough for me lately. I don't do the "Here's what I did today" very well; although, that's been about all I've done. I'd much rather be giving you a more meaty post several times a week. HOWEVER, in still being in the throws of losing precious Selah, this makes the "meat" more difficult. It is not that I don't want to share...it is too difficult/painful to post when I am trying to give you good stuff, but not all the stuff. I don't work that way.

All that to say...bear with me a few more weeks. I'll get there...

Keep reading...my before pictures coming soon. THAT will be a very heartfelt post, I promise.

Monday started off great...UPDATED

Today I am back to clean eating and am kicking my cardio back up to full par. My body is feeling stronger everyday.
I put Graham in the jogger and off we went. Back at home had a egg white/pinto bean burrito. Yummy!
Now for "pull" w/o this afternoon with Julie....

Did pretty well w/ eating so far. Minus the cookie I had from whole foods. Aunt Flo came to visit and I just was not going to fight the urge for chocolate any longer.

Weights rocked. We really pushed ourselves. Do you want to know something funny? I fell off the bench at the gym. Yep, sat right down and fell over the bench. Quite funny. It's ok, you can laugh!

Push

Today was "push" day. It was a great workout, to my week of starting over with the eating. Then tonight...had a small set back emotionally with Selah being gone...and I did something I have not done in a long time. Well I've done it a little since Selah passed, but not like tonight. I completely emotionally ate. The rest of the yummy tiramisu like dessert JRo made for my bday, extra helping of enchilada's...if it had not been 9:30, I'd have made a margarita.

With that, one thing I am going to try and keep up this week - going to bed earlier!
Good Night my friends!

What part of me does not hurt?

NONE!
yesterday I did full upper body - was supposed to do it Monday, then today I did full lower body. OMG! I'm surprised I could hold the dumbbells during the split squat, my arms are so sore. It feels good to get a hard workout in - even if Julie did stiff for her husband! Just kidding.

Like Ruthie has been talking about on her blog...progress...progress...and it feels soooo good to be back in the game.

This week I have been working harder on getting my food back to very clean. It's been ok, I just forget during the transition how hungry I am. Not from lack of food, but how much faster my body processes the good stuff.

It's been a hard day...if you saw my note on facebook...but I am slowly slowly making progress up that mountain!

Challenge

Wednesday Julie and I worked out legs. I think this morning is the first day that my legs do not HURT! We bumped up our weights for a more intense workout. It was great, even if I was incredibly sore.

The problem, I am having trouble getting motivated for cardio. So I threw down a challenge to Julie for this coming week. If we do not do cardio on the days we are supposed to - we have to pay the other person $10. I so do not want to hand over 10 bucks to Julie - that should motivate me.

Have a great Saturday!!!

Spring Break

We are back from Memphis. The boys and I had a great trip w/ my Mom to visit her family. I grew up going there, so it is fun to take my boys there. Did not get many work outs in, but that is ok. Now I am dealing with the reality of being back home, but excited to get back into my program.

I still am carrying baggage from losing Selah, I know healing will be slow. However, I have been anxiously awaiting my period, to go ahead and cross that hurdle...but did not realize just how emotional that was going to be. I can not really even place my finger exactly on the emotion, I just know it is there. Like your period doesn't make you half crazy anyway. I think I picked up about 7 bags and added them to the ones I am already carrying...process process.

Needless to say, my workout yesterday was great. Nice sore arms and back.

Now to get my cardio in for today, I use the term loosely. My cardio journey is going to be a tough one. My body is just now beginning to feel solid after losing so much blood. On with the show...

Lower Body

Julie and I were thinking today's workout would be no big deal. It's all stuff we have done before. Boy were we wrong. Talk about jelly legs trying to walk down the stairs afterward.
2 sets, 15 reps
squats
ball hamstring curls
lunges
side lunges
calf raises

Usually by the time we get to the calf raises I'm feeling all, these are the best a little easier and empowered. Not today. It is great to be able to throw myself into this again...now for the eating 5-6 times a day! ugh.

Upper Body

I am sore today, but yesterday's workout was great. It is wonderful to be able to emotionally throw myself into lifting again. What I really want to do is go all out til exhaustion this week, thankfully I have enough sanity to know that is not good, plus Julie won't let me! =-)

The one thing that will be hard is getting cardio fit again. I will do it, but that just takes so much more energy. Baby steps! I'll get there.

Today was legs and abs. I'm amazed how in a few short weeks (prolly already said that) how my body has changed. Granted it changed from one extreme to another. I must say I'm having quite a rough time figuring out this post baby body, plus the emotions packed behind that.

I went and tried on a few clothes today. I decided that I did not need anything new to "fix" my problem. I need to muster up my known for determination and change myself. Inside and out. JRo reminded me that before I was pregnant I only workout clothes and now I am again. Funny, before I found out I was pregnant I was holding out on clothes to drop the last few pounds...I was so close. Now, I'm just a flubber belly mess.

You know, God has done such a wonderful work in my life the past year...I don't want him to stop now. If that means he's doing it while I wear workout clothes, then I dare you to say something! ha ha ha

Monday Julie and I start our new routine. It will last a few months. I'm excited. I need something to throw my emotions into.

Back at it

Julie and I worked out today, finally. We just did a few arm exercises and then swam and jogged in the pool. It is amazing how uncardio fit I am. I will give myself a break, I did lose a little bit of blood. Hopefully it won't take too terribly long to work back up into a good routine.

Overall it was a good workout and thoroughly tired me out. I like that, I sleep better.

Clear!

Tomorrow I will find out my blood count; however, the Doc has cleared me to begin working out again...slowly of course! I am so excited. Be afraid Julie, very afraid! ha ha ha

Antsy

I have soooo much physical emotion waiting, not so patiently, to burst out of me. As of Friday my blood count was up from 19 to 24, keep in mind my average is 35. I feel better but know that if I do what I want I will be so miserable; needless to say, I have been a good girl.

Thursday I go to the Doc for a check-up and am guessing they might do another blood test. Please pray for me. Right now it does not seem like a big deal to go, but I know once I get there I will be in tears.

I have good moments and bad moments. Through it all my Lord is carrying me down the path. A few days ago my Psalm for the day was 38...how profound...

9 All my longings lie open before you, O Lord;
my sighing is not hidden from you.
10 My heart pounds, my strength fails me;
even the light has gone from my eyes.

Totally how I feel during the rough moments. How wonderful I have a Savior to throw my sorrows and sighing on, how blessed I am.

One Week

It has been a week since we lost Little One. Very slowly my life is becoming "real" again. Who knows how long it will take for this to really sink in as my story. For the most part I have a positive God outlook. There are still days/moments/hours that are very difficult. Yesterday being one of them. I went in for blood work, to see if my count has gone back up...hopefully to find out today what it is. Naturally I have not been cleared for activities like working out. I look forward to it, I have a lot of sweat and tears to leave on that floor, bike trail, treadmill. Watch out Julie!

You know our pregnancy was a welcomed surprise, but it did swing my mindset a complete 180. So I dealt with new svelt body to preg body. Now it's preg body to what do I do with this body. It is a minor emotion on the list of all the others I have, but a very real one. I lost a part of me and am now empty and confused. The Lord does have a plan for my life...I feel right now as if I'm standing in a muddy river along that plan/journey for my life. God is so good and will bring me out of the river...until then to His face will I look.

Psalm 34 (The Message)
18 If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there; if you're kicked in the gut, he'll help you catch your breath. 19 Disciples so often get into trouble; still, God is there every time.

Heartbreaking Sorrow

For those of you who have not heard. This past week, tragedy came. I've copied exerpts of what I have typed on Facebook. I would love to tell you more, but right now is so hard to put into words.
Just to give you a small piece of the story...

Tuesday Feb. 10 - Yesterday we went in for a sonogram, I'm 18 weeks. We found out our Little One went Home to be with Jesus about 3 1/2 - 4 weeks ago. Since the baby was past the first trimester, the procedure is different. There is no DNC. I will basically be induced to labor and delivery Little One. It will be a very long day. Lift us up tomorrow in prayer as we are at the hospital, doing what I qualify as horrifying. This note is just about the physical journey, I can not even begin to touch on the emotional one just yet.

Thursday Feb. 12 - Yesterday was a hard day emotionally and physically. But through it all I felt the Savior's hand covering me every step of the way. I asked my Mom to read Psalm 30, it was complete affirmation of the Lord's presence there with us:

I will exalt you, O LORD, for you lifted me out of the depths......weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning...You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.

Our words can not thank you enough for your prayers. We are beyond blessed by your love and thoughtfulness. Our journey took an unexpected turn, but God knew, and He knows how wonderful our journey will continue to be as we let Him lead us.With Love,Laura and Paul

No gym today

Son #1 has pink eye! It is so ooey gooey, yuck. This is the worst I have seen. Poor guy. I will be doing my workout at home. Don't think anyone wants to be around us! ha ha ha

Leg Day

Julie and I hit the gym this afternoon..er I mean, evening. She was so very sweet at the Smith Machine when I was attempting to remove the 45lb weight. She completely mother hened me, but that is ok. I need that, I am getting to the point where things are not going to be as easy for me! Now for my reasons why evening gym time is not good:
1. cardio crew has allllll cardio machines taken - not that I was needing it
2. muscle heads are hogging the machines and weights
3. if J and I are trying a new machine we don't want to look stupid if we can't figure it out!!!
4. I left the gym at 6:45, so Grandy's was a very EASY stop on the way home to feed me and the boys, hubs has bible study. BTW, they have Super Tuesday steak meal for $2.99, the boys gobbled it up.

The workout was great, so glad we went despite the time. Thank you Julie for helping me keep on track!

p.s. We did look silly trying to figure out the calf thingy...it just had so much weight on it we could not even budge it. We're s-m-a-r-t, and finally mananged to use it!!!

Hello Friend...

Well, after 4 months of no green smoothie and tiring quickly of fiber cereal; I've decided to give the smoothie a preggie taste test! Not too bad. I desperately need some relief, and I think it will give me a little boost of energy. I needs lots of that these days.

Made it!

Julie and I finally managed to make it back to they gym today. It was a great day of upper body. At one point I told J I was going to kill her for how sore she is going to make me!!!

Only a pregnant girl would stop at Sonic on the way to the gym for a jr. breakfast burrito! I know I got some looks taking my Sonic cup into the gym - it was water!!!

Great workout. So glad to be back at it.

Sour Stomach

Seriously. At least I have not had it in several days. Took Ethan to school, then Paul to have his colonoscopy, Graham and I were in the car and I start the cough/gag thing. I had to call my Mom to chat to keep from throwing up in the car. Sick. So we stopped and got a bagel, now I'm going to make lunch. I know food doesn't help get rid of it, but at least it will soothe it for a while. I have too much to do today for this, I will just succumb to life!

Ugh!

I have not fallen off the workout band wagon. Last week Hubs and I were in San Francisco. I did enough walking and hill climbing to last for the rest of the week. My legs were quite sore. Fun, though. I will be back in the gym with Julie Monday morning!

Here are a few pics of our fabulous get a way!

Yesterday's Workout

Julie and I did arms yesterday. I'm talking every part of the arm. There is not a thread on my arm that won't at least be tender! It was a good workout. Still completely exhausted by going to the gym, but I will press on.

I should go walk today, but we will just have to see.

Cardio...check

Today I walked with Alison. It was quite chilly out, but a wonderful walk. We clipped a pretty good pace, then we got to this big hill - I told her I'd have to slow it down up it if I wanted to make it back to her house! The walk also helped to loosen up my still VERY sore calves from Thursday's workout.

Last night I got my much anticipated box from Gap and Old Navy in the mail. I had ordered several maternity items that I am in desperate need of. The jeans, fabulous. I can not believe how thin they make me look, even with the little preg belly. Pretty much everything else will be going back. Why, you ask? I'll tell you. As I have stated before, shortly after I found out I was preg my brain did a little trick-a-roo on me and told me I was fat again. JRo put it pretty well last night. Since my body immediately started insulating, my shape resembles the old me, but on a much smaller scale. All I see is the big me, sort of. I think I feel more like the big me. All that to say, the workout pants, lounging pants, jacket, etc. I ordered in LARGE. You guessed it. They are quite LARGE on me. I will be sending the items I want back for mediums. Amazing. My previous 2 pregnancies I was lucky to fit in a Large, but XL was more like it. GO ME!!!

One last thing...the days I work out or walk (like I did today) completely zonk it out of me. I hope to find a balance on that soon. I have too much to do!

Have a great rest of the weekend!!!

Legs

Julie and I had a great workout today, legs. We discussed our plan/goals for the next few months; now we can put it to paper and get moving. I think I will be sore tomorrow, but that is what I get for staying out of the gym for a month and 1/2.

I won't always bog you down with preggie stuff, but I did have quite an amusing moment today. I get to the gym, get the boys out of the car and look down. No tennis shoes. I have my crocs on. Nice! Not to be defeated, I still worked out. Julie got a nice little chuckle. But seriously, I've seen muscle heads working out in work boots!

Body Update

This is for you Ruthie! I tried to find a good pic of me before I got pregnant, no luck. Here is a pic of Hubs and I on Christmas day. When I looked at this pic, I noticed my belly for the first time. It's here to stay, for the next 6 months anyway!!!

I do still exist...

Well I am 12 weeks prego now. I have made it through the nausea, sour stomach, tiredness, etc. Not that I am completely out of the woods, but much much more manageable. So much so, Julie and I finally made it back to the gym.

We started today with a "light" bicep/tricep/forearm workout. I will be tender that is for sure. I am so excited to get back in with Julie and push her and encourage her to her goals. What will be hard is not pushing myself like I want to be...well getting faint feeling might help, maybe. Julie's job - keep me from overdoing it. I felt a little ridiculous today when she went and got weights for me!

My goal for the next 6 months, just to stay as toned as I can and in decent cardio health. I realize it might be impossible to keep my thighs and hams (esp those) toned, but I sure will try.
That is pretty much it for my health and physical goals, right now. I'm sure closer the due date and after I will have something more specific in mind.

So NO, I have not thrown myself to the dogs this pregnancy. Fat will no longer have a hold on me. Goodbye to you forever. Hello to the beautiful inner me and gorgeous outter me forever. One more child to love will only make it better...at least in the long run! ha ha ha

Have a wonderful evening my healthy for life friends!
Don't forget Biggest Loser starts tomorrow night! SWWEEETTT!