Clear!

Tomorrow I will find out my blood count; however, the Doc has cleared me to begin working out again...slowly of course! I am so excited. Be afraid Julie, very afraid! ha ha ha

Antsy

I have soooo much physical emotion waiting, not so patiently, to burst out of me. As of Friday my blood count was up from 19 to 24, keep in mind my average is 35. I feel better but know that if I do what I want I will be so miserable; needless to say, I have been a good girl.

Thursday I go to the Doc for a check-up and am guessing they might do another blood test. Please pray for me. Right now it does not seem like a big deal to go, but I know once I get there I will be in tears.

I have good moments and bad moments. Through it all my Lord is carrying me down the path. A few days ago my Psalm for the day was 38...how profound...

9 All my longings lie open before you, O Lord;
my sighing is not hidden from you.
10 My heart pounds, my strength fails me;
even the light has gone from my eyes.

Totally how I feel during the rough moments. How wonderful I have a Savior to throw my sorrows and sighing on, how blessed I am.

One Week

It has been a week since we lost Little One. Very slowly my life is becoming "real" again. Who knows how long it will take for this to really sink in as my story. For the most part I have a positive God outlook. There are still days/moments/hours that are very difficult. Yesterday being one of them. I went in for blood work, to see if my count has gone back up...hopefully to find out today what it is. Naturally I have not been cleared for activities like working out. I look forward to it, I have a lot of sweat and tears to leave on that floor, bike trail, treadmill. Watch out Julie!

You know our pregnancy was a welcomed surprise, but it did swing my mindset a complete 180. So I dealt with new svelt body to preg body. Now it's preg body to what do I do with this body. It is a minor emotion on the list of all the others I have, but a very real one. I lost a part of me and am now empty and confused. The Lord does have a plan for my life...I feel right now as if I'm standing in a muddy river along that plan/journey for my life. God is so good and will bring me out of the river...until then to His face will I look.

Psalm 34 (The Message)
18 If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there; if you're kicked in the gut, he'll help you catch your breath. 19 Disciples so often get into trouble; still, God is there every time.

Heartbreaking Sorrow

For those of you who have not heard. This past week, tragedy came. I've copied exerpts of what I have typed on Facebook. I would love to tell you more, but right now is so hard to put into words.
Just to give you a small piece of the story...

Tuesday Feb. 10 - Yesterday we went in for a sonogram, I'm 18 weeks. We found out our Little One went Home to be with Jesus about 3 1/2 - 4 weeks ago. Since the baby was past the first trimester, the procedure is different. There is no DNC. I will basically be induced to labor and delivery Little One. It will be a very long day. Lift us up tomorrow in prayer as we are at the hospital, doing what I qualify as horrifying. This note is just about the physical journey, I can not even begin to touch on the emotional one just yet.

Thursday Feb. 12 - Yesterday was a hard day emotionally and physically. But through it all I felt the Savior's hand covering me every step of the way. I asked my Mom to read Psalm 30, it was complete affirmation of the Lord's presence there with us:

I will exalt you, O LORD, for you lifted me out of the depths......weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning...You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.

Our words can not thank you enough for your prayers. We are beyond blessed by your love and thoughtfulness. Our journey took an unexpected turn, but God knew, and He knows how wonderful our journey will continue to be as we let Him lead us.With Love,Laura and Paul

No gym today

Son #1 has pink eye! It is so ooey gooey, yuck. This is the worst I have seen. Poor guy. I will be doing my workout at home. Don't think anyone wants to be around us! ha ha ha

Leg Day

Julie and I hit the gym this afternoon..er I mean, evening. She was so very sweet at the Smith Machine when I was attempting to remove the 45lb weight. She completely mother hened me, but that is ok. I need that, I am getting to the point where things are not going to be as easy for me! Now for my reasons why evening gym time is not good:
1. cardio crew has allllll cardio machines taken - not that I was needing it
2. muscle heads are hogging the machines and weights
3. if J and I are trying a new machine we don't want to look stupid if we can't figure it out!!!
4. I left the gym at 6:45, so Grandy's was a very EASY stop on the way home to feed me and the boys, hubs has bible study. BTW, they have Super Tuesday steak meal for $2.99, the boys gobbled it up.

The workout was great, so glad we went despite the time. Thank you Julie for helping me keep on track!

p.s. We did look silly trying to figure out the calf thingy...it just had so much weight on it we could not even budge it. We're s-m-a-r-t, and finally mananged to use it!!!

Hello Friend...

Well, after 4 months of no green smoothie and tiring quickly of fiber cereal; I've decided to give the smoothie a preggie taste test! Not too bad. I desperately need some relief, and I think it will give me a little boost of energy. I needs lots of that these days.