Bittersweet

Have you wondered where I have been? The last 2 weeks have been quite a rollercoaster for me. I will detail this past week, the week before that was just gloomy because I was nearing my goal date Nov.15, and wondered how I was really going to make it. The details will not be in chronological order.

Friday Nov 14-Sun Nov 16: JRo and I have our shopping trip to San Marcos. That place is enormous. Two outlet malls smack next to each other. Awesome! 3 full days could have been spent there. I found 2 sweaters and a pair of boots. It was frustrating and emotional. JRo, well we flat spent every last dime she brought. Oh she got some amazing pieces, that look so beautiful on her and only accentuate her beauty. I'm so proud of you JRo. You relaxed, enough (hahaha) to find some pieces that really work for you and are not so haphazard.

Friday November 14: I go to the doctor (they always weigh you), so I do a semi-official weigh-in. Not my goal, but happy. I have come so far. You can not ever factor in the injuries and illnesses that you will have along the way. I have come a very very long way from the beginning. I have somewhat physically forgotten what being that heavy felt like...definitely not mentally - but daily working on that.

Wednesday November 12: Work out with Julie, it felt great. I was so not satisfied with what I saw in the mirror as I lifted. It is amazing how quickly you can digress when you have an injury.

Monday November 10: Wake up not feeling well and emotional. Had a parent/teacher conference w/ Son#1's preschool teacher. Make the day even more emotional. However, my sweet Hubs stepped up to the plate and made a difficult phone call for me. Spent a lot of the day reeling between happiness, sadness, and feelings of not wanting to disappoint those around me.

Sunday November 9: Wake up with unsettling feelings. Worship at church, more unsettlement. On the way home stop for a few items at the grocery store. Get home, unload head to the bathroom with one of my purchases. I do not even have to wait 3 minutes...I'm pregnant!!!!!!! I show Hubs, he gets the silly man grin of "I've done something!" and I burst into tears.

NOW, all the events of the week fall into place. Shopping was hard b/c I waited for months to do it, then really could not enjoy the fruit of that labor. I so do not want to buy new cute clothes that soon will not fit me. Sunday and Monday, were so emotionally charged for me. Feelings of excitement and sadness all at the same time. Plus, all those you have cheered me on and worked with me - how could I disappoint them? Lastly, as my Alison (SiL) put it...BITTERSWEET! Hubs and I have always wanted 3 children, I just wanted to enjoy my new body for a while. Sweet, that the Lord is blessing us this way. Bitter, my journey took a sharp turn I was not expecting.

Do not take a "downer" mood from me as you read this post. I am very happy and utterly blessed to be pregnant. Just as in me losing weight and having to deal with issues that came with that. I have spent the last week processing all the different emotions of being unexpectedly expecting.

JRo and I have spent alot of time talking of how my journey will be now. How will I take charge of it? How will I not succumb to the "I'm pregnant" mentality? How will I be able to still encourage and motivate others? Well stay tuned...this blog and journey is only the beginning. I will continue my workouts and cardio and eat as clean as I can during my pregnancy. This will be a first for me. I did not do this with the other 2.