Well my long weekend of fun is over and it's back to the real world. I have decided today will be smoothie detox day and then hit the nutrition hard tomorrow. I've had a week full of reflection, loss, and mourning what once was. Now to look at the now and what will be. God is good, and I need to rest in His daily goodness for me.

The weekend scrap retreat was so good for me on many levels. I was with my gals, I laughed, I cried, I ate, and even shared my testimony. Can't get much better than that.

I think I am ready to begin again. Satan has constantly been reminding me how much hard work it was the first time and it may not be worth it again. You know what...it is worth it again. Being who I am created to be, loving myself as I'm meant to be, sharing myself and what Christ has done for me....WORTH IT!

I am determined enough, physically strong enough, and can only continue to be mentally stronger. So what is stopping me...nothing!

Just when I thought...

I was ready to full throttle ahead on my regime. I was hit with a realization...there is so much to mourn over than just losing precious Selah. I am mourning the loss of my healthy body I had last summer/early fall. That has been a tough realization this week. I'm giving myself the week off to ponder, pray, and meditate this. It has hit me hard, not quite as hard as Selah, but really close up there.

That's pretty much all I want to say about it at this point. Just wanted you to know I am hanging in, still getting on a healthier eating plan, and LOVING my blender and daily green smoothies. Oh how I've missed having them everyday. Sadly, I get so excited about the blender I try and use it 3x's a day!

My blender arrived today!

OMG, I danced around, the angels sang, and my family laughed at me. Who cares! It's HERE!!!!

I did it I did it

I finally got out and rode my bike this evening. Of course, the sun hid itself aaaallll day UNTIL I go out to ride. Where was it when we were swimming? Whatever!

I'm pleased that I have not lost much stamina, but do lack a little in my endurance. Went 6 miles in 31 minutes. Before I was pregnant I was doing about 5 min miles - happy about that. I could have probably gone farther, but wanted to get a feel of where I am. IT FELT SOOOO GOOD!

Other breaking news....
I finally, after a year of wanting, bought me a blendtec blender. Of course I bought a demo off ebay for much less, but it's still a chunk of dough that was hard to part with. However, I know I will be in love and won't have to borrow JRo's anymore! Thanks for sharing friend!

Sorrow

I have not worked out much in the past few days, BUT have made significant strides in my grief of Selah. I'm probably not even to the middle of the road - who knows God's journey; however, have really been moved forward by the Lord.

Week before last, when I had some extended time to myself, I got to pray, journal, read, journal. It was not until this past week did I reread my journal entry to my counselor. WOW! I finally was able to sob all they way through it. In the middle of it, was my letter to Selah, my precious daughter. How healing of her loss that was, and knowing that God has stepped every step of my journey before I have even gotten there. It has been some very emotional, raw, sleepless days - but I can now move forward.

In moving forward, I will be able to better address the lies that Satan is hounding me with and speak truth to him. I am worth all this and soooo much more. God vision for me is way more beautiful, passionate, and desiring than Satan's false beauty.

Now that I have progressed, somewhat, emotionally I can progress physically. Amazing that only now do I realize dealing with the mental/emotional took precedence over the physical. It is almost debilitating until you can make progress...

I love the Matthew West song Ruthie has posted on her blog, so I won't copy. Ginny Owens sang at our church this morning. Oh how many times I've heard this song. But this morning it resounating much more closely and clearly. I would not choose to walk this journey, but if that is what God's journey is for me...I will do it.

Took all day

to do my workout, but it's done.
Julie and I were supposed to meet up this morning - I bailed. Sooo exhausted from yesterday.
Supposed to meet again at 3:30 - I bailed. I slept until 3pm and Graham...well it's 5:15 and he's still sleeping. He did have a shot today and is still trying to readjust to a normal sleep schedule.

So I finally got my lard butt up at 4:30 and did it. I have a feeling I will be dripping sweat until after I cook dinner and clean the kitchen. But worth it since I waited all day to do it.

Swimming again....

Julie and I hit the pool today. WOW! It has been a long time and I felt it. The first few laps were rough, then I found a good groove. Funny, I actually miss swimming. It made me feel so strong.

Julie was telling me how she has noticed in the last month my fire coming back. I told her to "WATCH OUT!"

I really feel in a good place with grief recovery over Selah. Oh I'm far from the end of the road, but feel I have made a huge turn. Last week in my reading I was hit with this:

John 10:1-4
"I tell you the truth, the man who does not enter the sheep pen by the gate, but climbs in by some other way, is a thief and a robber. 2The man who enters by the gate is the shepherd of his sheep. 3The watchman opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. 4When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice.

He has gone ahead of me and always will. I looked back and could vividly see him walking into the doctor's office before me. Walking the hall of labor/delivery before me. Touching our wonderful nurse on the way. So on and so on. And with that I have confindence on whatever obstacles I may face on this life's journey. Satan will not win, He can not have my health or anything!

Well that fans the flame on the fire!!!